I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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