What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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