I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude i'm inner monologue high
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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