one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
