We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize