bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
