Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
