Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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