home. puking in laundry basket.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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