i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
