i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
