I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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