I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
