Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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