My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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