i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
