when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
