you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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