i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
