so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
