So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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