Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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