My liver just broke up with me...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
