I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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