Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
