so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
