Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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