You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
