I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
