You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
only you would photoshop your dick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
