No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
