He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
