I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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