Yo dont text me then not text me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
