I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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