I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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