...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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