She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
