Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
