put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
