I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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