DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
