I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
