saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
