the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
