to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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