At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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