I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what day is it and did you see me today?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
