dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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