doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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