Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
