Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
