i jhust puked up my retainher.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
