I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
