I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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