I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
