I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
