a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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