Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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