Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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