I haven't been this sober since birth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
