turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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