I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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