google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
